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(Originally printed in Biltmore Lifestyles) A relationship with a sister is like no other. It is not just the sibling rivalry or camaraderie; it is a bond, a true sisterhood. It is a special kind of love and forgiveness, give and take and trial and error. It evolves and grows like so many other relationships, yet has a special connection that makes life both bearable and magnificent. She gave the GIFT OF LOVE. She was the one that supported Dad through heart attacks, a stroke, hospitalization, and his passing. She tirelessly made trips with him 30-50 miles away in the dead of winter in what we fondly referred to in the Upper Peninsula as "the tundra" to get him to his appointments. She helped Dad face the certainty of the situation. She became his friend, no longer his foe. She gave the GIFT OF COMPASSION. The first Christmas she was ill we had a large family reunion, 13 in all as a time to be with her and family. We met at her husband’s 100-year-old family home with the pillars and large porch around most of the house. The beautiful holiday tree was in the parlor and adjacent to the piano room. It was about as Norman Rockwell as we could get considering the circumstances. She gave the GIFT OF HOPE. She was blessed with true friends because she was a sincere friend. They showed our family during her time of illness how they could again rise to the occasion. So many times they were available to comfort her. I can still see her sitting around the dining room table during that holiday week, laughing and having fun with her friends despite all odds. She gave the GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP. The summer she was in remission her class had their 25th reunion and my class had its 30 th reunion on the same balmy day in July in our hometown. It was a magnificent night and a chance to wear a sundress during that short time in August when even northern Michigan is busting with summertime. Our friends generously shared memories and reminisced freely about the way it was in 1968 and 1973. She gave the GIFT OF FREEDOM. The Thanksgiving she was in remission she came to visit me here in Arizona. It would be just the two of us with time to talk and share our thoughts, something we both loved to do. She wanted to visit again, so the two of us could have our time to recapture what may be taken from us before it could be cherished. She came for me as much as for her, she knew I was not at peace and that contentment had eluded me many times. She gave me the GIFT OF CONTENTMENT. Being grateful became easier for her and for me because she was mutually gracious with me about how she felt and what she lived with each day. The light headedness, the fog, the nausea, the hair loss, the weight loss, the deadened taste buds, the physical weakness, the pills and pricks, the port in the chest, the dependency on others for sometimes everything, and the subdued pain. These revelations were not for sympathy, but to give me an opportunity to appreciate what it was to have my health. To be grateful for every breath, for every day we jump out of bed with a place to go. For every opportunity we have to do even the most mundane things. She gave the GIFT OF GRATITUDE. I was home for her last summer over 4th of July weekend. We all tried desperately to have some semblance of normalcy by attending the 4th of July parade down State Street with all its hometown flavor of marching veterans and children on decorated bicycles. She never acknowledged that she was missing anything. She just patiently waited for us to take turns returning from the activities to be with her as she existed in her little world. She gave the GIFT OF PATIENCE. That week began with my being alone with her and her disease at a small, but quaint, beach-front property over looking the Bay and the Island. The Ferry Boats were crossing the Bay making their fan tail waves as they cut though the beautiful blue waters just as they had 30 years ago when we were all home and life was simple. It all seemed so perfect, and for a few moments reality was tolerable. She gave the GIFT OF TOLERANCE. What was she thinking all those months when she was alone with her disease and her thoughts? How was she grappling with the thought that she would leave us behind? How did it feel to know her sisters would only try to fill her place? She never complained, she never showed her anger and she never made any of us feel like we should do more. She did not ask for anything except what we had to give at the time; those parts of ourselves we had the courage to share. She allowed all of us to choose how courageous we could be. She was a badge of courage for all of us. She gave the GIFT OF COURAGE. We held each other so tightly that morning I had to leave for Phoenix; I felt frozen in time. Her boys, their friends and her husband were already in the vehicle and ready to go. We had so little time to say goodbye for eternity. She knew it and so did I. She looked so frail sitting high in that front seat; almost as if she did not exist as a real person. She would receive her “poison” again that day. I knew this moment would change my life forever. She gave the GIFT OF ACCEPTANCE. About a month after my sister passed, I woke but did not move for what seemed like an eternity. I felt her presence in the room as if she had been there all along. That same feeling we get when we know someone is watching us. I had thought many times she was always watching because she knew me so well. This moment in time was her way of saying I am still here. She said she wasn’t going anywhere and she wasn’t kidding! She gave the GIFT OF FAITH. Gifts come in all shapes, colors and sizes. Some gifts are priceless, but most importantly they are to be shared. My gift to you is to continue living my life for both my sister and me by communicating her gifts she gave so generously. I commit to you the gifts of acceptance, patience and tolerance in all my relationships, and an appreciation of friendships that allow freedom to enjoy the moment. Enjoy! Happy gift giving and Happy Holidays! |
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